April Fools Day 2008....

Last year on this day, I remember laying in bed. I had just had my "pick" line put in the night before. ( I know "pick" is not how to spell that abbreviation, but anyway it is basically a long term I.V. port) My nurses were coming to the house today, for the first cleaning and maintenance on it. I was scared. There was a lot of tape around it, and it looked awful. It was very sore, and the thought of it, to this day, still makes me sick. My girls were home from school. It must have been spring break. They were anxiously coming in and out of the room, asking me "how much longer, mom?" Finally the nurses arrived. They had lots of bags with them, and lots of medical supplies, that they were leaving with me, so that I could "take care of myself" and not have to go back and forth to the hospital. They started setting up, and told the girls they couldn't be in the room with us. Because it was such a sterile process, even I wasn't able to watch what they were doing. Not that I minded that one bit! I had to wear a mask over my nose and mouth, and keep my head turned away from the site. Even the slightest germ from my own breath could have caused a serious infection. As she started removing the tape and poking and proding at the line, I remember thinking "how in the world did this happen to me?" The tears were rolling down my face, because it hurt like no tomorrow. The stuff they used to clean it burned and they had to force it down inside my arm, to make sure no infection could get in. The nurse doing it, was in training. It was her first time. She was very nice, but a little rough. I was sitting there all alone. Adam had meetings in Texas that week, that he just couldn't miss. And the girls were quarantined from the premises. If you don't already know, I hate needles, doctors, medicine, anything that has to do with getting poked, I just can't take it. Even getting blood drawn, usually takes me out for the rest of the day. I always insist that Adam is right by side, to let me crush his hand in mine as they look for veins. So it was very tramatic for me to go through this alone. After what seemed like an eternity they were done. They showed me how to hook up the IV bags, and how to clean the two ports. How to hook my "chemo pump" (as we called it)up to the port, and how to change out all the pumps that were connected to me! It was alot to remember, and I was more nervous now than ever. Not only, had I not eaten in weeks, I was so sick, that I could barely remember where we were half the time, and now I was responsible for maintaining myself as well!! I remember thinking, "ok, I can do this, I only have to hold out a few more hours and Katie will be here! She was coming to stay with us, til Adam returned from his business trip. By this time the girls were crazy excited waiting for her. Not only were they happy to see her, but they had planned an Aprils Fools day joke for her, to break her in right when she got there. Katie can not even stand the thought of throw up. It just grosses her out to the max! As soon as she pulled in the drive way, out they ran! "Katie, Katie...oh thank goodness your here, mom is so sick, and just puked all over herself! Come and help us!" At that moment, I'm not sure why she didn't just get back in the car, and go home! But she stayed....she stayed to stick out, what she says was the "hardest week of her life." From that day, my condition worsened. We literally spent the next 2 days, going from the dr. office to the hospital, back home. Finally, after 3 days of pure hell, my dr. said he could do no more for me. It was time to go somewhere else. I was sent to Memorial Central (I think that was the name) in the down town area of Colorado Springs. We had never been to this side of town, let alone Katie. So not only was I sick, now I was lost, and not really sure where I even was. On top of it all, a big snow storm was brewing and it was freezing! They admitted me to the hospital that night. Katie stayed til it got dark. At one point they drugged me up with something, and we went from being very serious and scared to just about splitting our pants in laughter!! Imagine that, me and my sisters finding something to giggle about, in a desperate moment! It was short lived. I laughed so hard, I was throwing up, and Kate had to leave!! She was such a trooper that week! Going from hospital, to home. Taking care of my girls. And everything else. What a wonderful gift family is. I am not sure how we would have made it through this without her. She is the only one (besides Adam) who saw me at my worst! I feel bad for putting her through it, but am so thankful that I had her by my side. I know there were moments when she wanted to break, but she didn't. She kept things together for the sake of our girls, until their dad could back. BTW.... at this time, one of the airlines were having issues and all of the planes were grounded. He didn't even know if and when he was gonna get home. I spent the next 8 days there. They had me on who knows how many different medicines. And nothing to eat. Not even a stick of gum. Nothing!! I had not eaten in 7 weeks. I was seriously thinking that by now, I should have starved to death. I lost almost 25 lbs. Not a recommended crash diet, but it did work. After 3 days there, they decided to start introducing me back to food. By day four, I had mashed potatoes!! I never thought hospital food could taste so good! Before long I finally had a little bit of life back in me. Some days I think back to those months and wonder how can it be so easy for some and so difficult for others? Why was this time so different from the others? I don't know those answers, but I do know this: my life has been so blessed with a perfect a little miracle. He has already brought so much joy and light into our world. I look at him and see him smile, and know, that if someone took him from me, and said "the only way you get him back is to do it all again", I would do it. A thousand times. Just to have him in our lives! So many times, I wanted to give up, and thought I didn't have it me to go on! So glad I didn't give up.......




Oh, how I love this boy!!! I will forever remember April fools day, as being no joke!! It will always be a day that I remember no matter how big life's challenges are, there is always and end. A silver lining. Clint is the light at the end of my tunnel. And will always be my reminder: to choose the right, and stay close to the things in life that are good. That with your family, you can get through anything. They are my world. I love my family!!